Do you use #softhands? Consider Positive Discipline

When we became parents, Stan and I naturally gravitated towards the attachment parenting model.  I realize now that it was also because of how I was parented as a child.  During our recent family trip to Tokyo, my dad shared about how an uncle told him how to parent his family - that he as a parent must be feared by his children - rule by the rod, not by hugs and kisses.  But my dad disagreed.  He believed that we should learn to obey him because we love and respect him and not because we feared him.  So my siblings and I were never lacking for warmth and affection from our parents and for this I am truly grateful.

A Guest Post and Giveaway: Why natural birth?

I gave birth to N normally but with an epidural.  I never had the chance to take any childbirth classes then and after hearing my mom describe how she tore and screamed when she was giving birth natural to my sister and me, I decided to opt for an epidural for this first birth.

Philippine Perspective on that Time Issue

Two weekends ago, an article was published in the Manila Bulletin focusing on the Time Magazine cover.  The writer, Regina Posadas, interviewed 3 Pinay breastfeeding moms (including me!) on how we view extended nursing.  Eliza of The Painter's Wife shared her profound thoughts - especially about the title.  Meanwhile, I shared my own experiences nursing my first-born, N.  Before you read, I want to ask you about the title of the article - "MY WAY".  I thought that it was too aggressive (?) - almost like this is how I want to do things and screw you if you think otherwise.  Or am I just being OA? :D

Anyway, don't forget to read Jen Tan's post on her experiences with attachment parenting and how her own kids (now 11 and 7) turned out.

My Budding Chef

Welcome to the November Carnival of Natural Parenting: Kids in the Kitchen
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared how kids get involved in cooking and feeding. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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at The Culinary Workshop

learning how to measure

I'm no cook and I am definitely happy (and lucky) that we have helpers where I live.  I sent my 2 helpers to various cooking classes and they can now whip up an excellent paella, a complete japanese and korean dinner, thai meals and can follow various recipes by the book.  But what makes me happier is they allow my little budding chef, N to work with them in the kitchen.

Of Parenting Styles

Welcome to the July Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Philosophy
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared their parenting practices and how they fit in with their parenting purpose. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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Three years ago, my friend Stephen asked me about Stan's and my parenting style. He had watched a show on the Lifestyle Channel about parenting styles in raising babies - "Bringing Up the Baby". The series focuses on the parenting styles advocated by 3 experts from different decades. For the 1950's, the expert was Dr. Frederic Truby King, who advocated a strict routine method. For the 1960's, it was Dr. Benjamin Spock, who is for individualized routine parenting. And finally, for the 1970's, it was Jean Liedloff, for the continuum concept. The basics of these styles are as follows: King - Discipline -- Predictability -- Early detachment of baby and mother -- Order -- One size fits all -- Start as you mean to go on; Spock - Acknowledges individuality -- Tailor-made routine -- Relieves parental guilt -- Balance and Liedloff - instinct -- Based on human evolution -- Community.
N is now 3 years and 7 months old.  Since Day 1, I can say that we have been following some form of responsive parenting in dealing with her.  She used to nurse on demand and there were no scheduled feeds.  We also co-slept with her and shared a bed.  
I am doubly glad that (even if we never really talked about it) Stan and I share the same parenting philosophy style.  At this time, we both agree that N's needs (and soon Flower) will take precedence over Stan's and mine.  We schedule everything according to her needs.  With my parents having the empty nest syndrome now, I realized that it won't be long before N and Flower themselves will want to be independent and Stan and I will end up with more time on our hands than we want.
As for bringing her up, Stan and I listen to our moms, to our friends, our doctors, but we do our own research and talk about what we think is best for N and follow this decision. We don't necessarily follow what other people tell us. Also, we don't keep N with us 24/7. We're lucky to have a yaya (nanny) who takes really good care of her (especially when I'm at work), reads to her, perseveres in doing arts and crafts, putting hot compresses when she has booboos, talks to her, makes her laugh and MOST IMPORTANTLY, doesn't watch TV when Naima's around.
If I would need to choose among the three featured styles on the show, I would like to think that our style would be more of Liedloff. However, given the changes we make to adapt to our own culture, I will still say that our style is uniquely our own.  Stan and I live by this quote from Dr. Jay Gordon which I really like and try to apply in the way we bring up Naima: "What many people try to do is fit the baby in to their lives, rather than wrapping their lives around the baby."

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be live and updated by afternoon July 12 with all the carnival links.)

• Between Love and Fear: On Raising our Children Sensibly — Mamma Earthly at Give an Earthly discusses the fear factor in parenting and how she overcame it, despite societal pressures.
• really, when do i get my cape? — Sarah at small bird on fire is a working city mama trying to learn how to set aside her expectations of perfection and embrace the reality of modern parenting.
• Baby, Infant, and Toddler Wearing — Child wearing is part of Sarah at Nourished and Nurtured's parenting philosophy. In this post, Sarah describes benefits of child-wearing and gives tips for wearing babies, infants, and toddlers (even while pregnant).
• First Year Reflections — As her daughter's first birthday approaches, Holly at First Year Reflections reflects on how she and her husband settled into attachment parenting after initially doing what they thought everyone else did.
• Making an allowance — Lauren at Hobo Mama welcomes a guest post from Sam about the unexpected lessons giving a four-year-old an allowance teaches the child — and the parent.
• How to be a Lazy Parent and Still Raise Great Kids — Lisa at Granola Catholic talks about how being a Lazy Parent has helped her to raise Great Kids.
• Philosophy in Practice — Laura at A Pug in the Kitchen shares how her heart shaped the parenting philosophy in her home.
• What is Attachment Parenting Anyway? — Gaby at Tmuffin describes the challenges of putting a label on her parenting philosophy.
• Of Parenting Styles — Jenny at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom talks about how she and her husband tailored various parenting styles to fit their own preferred parenting philosophy.
• Moment by Moment Parenting — Amy at Peace 4 Parents encourages those who care for children (including herself) to explore and appreciate parenting moment-by-moment with clarity, intention, trust, and action.
• Maintaining Spirituality in the Midst of Everyday Parenting, Marriage, and Life — Sarah at Nourished and Nurtured shares her perspective on finding opportunities for spiritual growth in every day life.
• Parenting Philosophy — Lily, aka Witch Mom's parenting philosophy is to raise child(ren) to be compassionate, loving, inquisitive, and questioning adults who can be trusted to make decisions for themselves in a way that avoids harming others.
• Long Term — Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis thinks about who she would like to see her daughter become — and what she can do now to lay a strong foundation for those hopes.
• Connection, Communication, Compassion — She's come a long way, baby! After dropping her career in favour of motherhood, Patti at Jazzy Mama discovered that building solid relationships was going to be her only parenting priority.
• My Parenting Inspirations - Part 4 — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama looks at her biggest parenting inspiration and how that translates into her long-term parenting philosophy.
• A Parenting Philosophy in One Word: Respect — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction summarizes her parenting and relationship philosophy in one word: respect.
• Knowledge and Instinct — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment believes that knowledge and instinct are super important … as are love, encouragement and respect. It's the ideal combo needed to raise happy and healthy children and in turn create meaningful relationships with them.
• THRIVE! — The Sparkle Mama wants to set a tone of confidence, abundance, and happiness in her home that will be the foundation for the rest of her daughter's life.
• On Children — "Your children are not your children," say Kahlil Gibran and Hannah at Wild Parenting.
• This One Life Together — Ariadne aka Mudpiemama shares her philosophy of parenting: living fully in the here and now and building the foundation for a happy and healthy life.
• Enjoying life and planning for a bright future — Olivia at Write About Birth shares her most important parenting dilemmas and pours out her heart about past trauma and how healing made her a better parent.
• My Parenting Philosophy: Unconditional and Natural Love — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares what she has learned about her parenting philosophy from a year of following her instincts as a mama.
• An open letter to my children — Isil at Smiling Like Sunshine writes an open letter to her children.
• My Starter Kit for Unconditional Parenting — Sylvia at MaMammalia discusses her wish to raise a good person and summarizes some of the nontraditional practices she's using with her toddler son in order to fulfill that wish.
• Responsiveness — Sheila at A Gift Universe has many philosophies and goals, but what it all boils down to is responsiveness: listening to what her son wants and providing what he needs.
• Tools for Creating Your Parenting Philosophy — Have you ever really thought about your parenting purpose? Knowing your long-term goals can help you parent with more intent in your daily interactions. Dionna at Code Name: Mama offers exercises and ideas to help you create your own parenting philosophy.
• Be a Daisy — Becky at Old New Legacy philosophizes about individuality and how she thinks it's important for her daughter's growth.
• What's a Mama to Do? — Amyables at Toddler in Tow hopes that her dedication to compassionate parenting will keep her children from becoming too self-critical as adults.
• grown-up anxieties. — Laura at Our Messy Messy Life explains her lone worry concerning her babies growing up.
• Why I Used Montessori Principles in My Parenting Philosophy — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells why she chose Montessori principles to help her now-adult children develop qualities she wanted to see in them as children and adults.
• Parenting Philosophies & Planning for the Future — Momma Jorje considers that the future is maybe just a fringe benefit of doing what feels right now.
• Not Just Getting Through — Rachael at The Variegated Life asks what truths she hopes to express even in the most commonplace interactions with her son.
• Parenting Philosophy? Eh... — Ana at Pandamoly shares the philosophy (or lack thereof) being employed to (hopefully) raise a respectful, loving, and responsible child.
• Parenting Philosophy: Being Present — Shannon at The Artful Mama discusses the changes her family has made to accommodate their parenting philosophy and to reflect their ideals as working parents.
• Who They Will Be — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro shares a short list of some qualities she hopes she is instilling in her children at this very moment.
• Short Term vs. Long Term — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes recounts how long term parenting goals often get lost in the details of everyday life with two kids.
• Parenting Philosophy: Practicing and Nurturing Peace — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle sets personal goals for developing greater peace.
• Yama Niyama & the Red Pajama Mama — Part 1: The Yamas — In part 1 of a set of posts by Zoie at TouchstoneZ, Zoie guest posts at Natural Parents Network about how the Yoga Sutras provide a framework for her parenting philosophy.
• Yama Niyama & the Red Pajama Mama — Part 2: The Niyamas — In part 2 of a set of posts by Zoie at TouchstoneZ, Zoie explores how the Niyamas (one of the eight limbs in traditional Yoga) help her maintain her parenting and life focus.
• Our Sample Parenting Plan — Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey shares hopes of who her children will become and parenting strategies she employs to get them there.
• Philosophical Parenting: Letting Go — Jona at Life, Intertwined ponders the notion that there's no right answer when it comes to parenting.
• Unphilosophizing? — jessica at instead of institutions wonders about the usefulness of navel gazing.
• Parenting Sensitively — Amy at Anktangle uses her sensitivity to mother her child in ways that both nurture and affirm.
• how to nurture your relationships — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog believes that sometimes all kids need is a jolly good listening to …
• Philosophy Of An Unnatural Parent — Dr. Sarah at Good Enough Mum sees parenting as a process of guiding her children to develop the skills they'll need.
• Life with a Challenging Kid: Hidden Blessings — Wendy at High Needs Attachment shares the challenges and joys of raising a high needs child.
• Flying by the Seat of My Pants — Heather at Very Nearly Hippy has realized that she has no idea what she's doing.

Choosing My Words

Welcome to the April Carnival of Natural Parenting: Compassionate Advocacy
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared how they advocate for healthy, gentle parenting choices compassionately. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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"Experience is the teacher of all things" - Julius Caesar


I started my breastfeeding advocacy because of my own breastfeeding experience with Naima.  Admittedly, I was a gung-ho advocate in the beginning.  But because of my sister's experience plus reading Erin's and Neva's experiences and this blog, I realized that not all moms are able to hurdle the challenges that breastfeeding brings and it is not easy reading or hearing self-righteous and judgmental comments from breastfeeding moms. So right now, on top of my compassionate advocacy list is learning to listen and shutting up when warranted.  Sometimes, moms just need someone to listen to their rants about breastfeeding.  I have also learned not to offer unsolicited advice but just wait until they ask me about breastfeeding.  
This is also one of the reasons I started my blog.  I have a lot of things to say and share about breastfeeding.  But I don't want to go on and on to people who don't appreciate or resent what I'm sharing.  Heck, my own brother-in-law already thinks that I'm a hard-core breastfeeding fanatic.  By starting this blog, I have a space for airing our my thoughts with hopes of not offending anyone.   

Sometimes though, when you're faced with a computer and nameless readers, you tend to forget that there are real live human beings with feelings.  Yes, bloggers usually say that you can always close your browser if you don't like what you're reading.  But as emphasized in this post,  I wholeheartedly agree that advocates must be thoughtful and circumspect in their words so as not to alienate the very audience that they are trying to reach.  Further, emails, comments, posts from readers also remind me that there are readers who do not necessarily agree with what I am saying and can be affected by generalizations or conclusions or words in my blog.   
With a full-time job plus a growing business on the side, I sometimes think about stopping blogging or giving out breastfeeding advice to have more time to myself.  But I keep remembering that I wouldn't have been able to successfully breastfeed N if I hadn't received tips, support and advice from friends who were successful.  And not everyone has a friend or family member who was able to successfully breastfeed.  Thus, I try to pay it forward by maintaining this blog in hopes that people who read this and who I reply to in emails also pay it forward by helping their own friends and families.  

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Natural Parenting Advocacy by Example — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction uses her blog, Twitter and Facebook as her natural parenting soapbox.
• You Catch More Flies With Honey — When it comes to natural parenting advice, Kate of The Guavalicious Life believes you catch more flies with honey.
• From the Heart — Patti at Jazzy Mama searches her heart for an appropriate response when she learns that someone she respects wants his baby to cry-it-out.
• I Offer the Truth — Amy at Innate Wholeness shares the hard truths to inspire parents in making changes and fully appreciating the parenting experience.
• Advocating or Just Opinionated? — Momma Jorje discusses how to draw the line between advocating compassionately and being just plain opinionated. It can be quite a fine line.
• Compassionate Advocacy — Mamapoekie of Authentic Parenting writes about how to discuss topics you are passionate about with people who don't share your views.
• Heiny Helpers: Sharing Cloth Love — Heiny Helpers is guest posting on Natural Parents Network to share how they are providing cloth diapers and cloth diapering support to low income families.
• Struggling with Advocacy — April of McApril still struggles to determine how strongly she should advocate for her causes, but still loves to show her love for her parenting choices to those who would like to listen.
• Compassionate Advocacy Through Blogging (AKA –Why I Blog) — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares how both blogging and day-to-day life give her opportunities to compassionately advocate for natural parenting practices.
• A Letter to *Those* Parents — Zoie at TouchstoneZ shares how to write an informed yet respectful reply to those parents — you know, the ones who don't parent the way you do.
• Why I Am Not A Homebirth Advocate — Olivia at Write About Birth is coming out: she is a homebirth mom, but not a homebirth advocate. One size does not fit all – but choice is something we can all advocate for!
• Why I Open My Big Mouth — Wolfmother from Fabulous Mama Chronicles reflects on why she is passionate about sharing parenting resources.
• Watching and Wearing — Laura at Our Messy Messy Life advocates the joys of babywearing simply by living life in a small college town.
• Compassionate Advocacy . . . That's The Way I Do It — Amyables at Toddler in Tow describes how she's learned to forsake judgment and channel her social energy to spread the "good news" of natural parenting through interaction and shared experiences.
• Compelling without repelling — Lauren at Hobo Mama cringes when she thinks of the obnoxious way she used to berate people into seeing her point of view.
• I Am the Change — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro describes a recent awakening where she realized exactly how to advocate for natural parenting.
• Public Displays of Compassion — The Accidental Natural Mama recounts an emotional trip to the grocery store and the importance of staying calm and compassionate in the storm of toddler emotions.
• I will not hide behind my persona — Suzi Leigh at Attached at the Boob discusses the benefits of being honest and compassionate on the internet.
• Choosing My Words — Jenny at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom shares why she started her blog and why she continues to blog despite an increasingly hectic schedule.
• Honour the Child :: Compassionate Advocacy in the Classroom — Lori at Beneath the Rowan Tree shares her experience of being a gentle and compassionate parent — with other people's children — as a classroom volunteer in her daughter's senior kindergarten room.
• Inspired by the Great Divide (and Hoping to Inspire) — Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis shares her thoughts on navigating the "great divide" through gently teaching and being teachable.
• Introverted Advocacy — CatholicMommy at Working to be Worthy shares how she advocates for gentle parenting, even though she is about as introverted as one can be.
• The Three R's of Effective and Gentle Advocacy — Ana at Pandamoly explains how "The Three R's" can yield consistent results and endless inspiration to those in need of some change.
• Passionate and Compassionate: How do We do It? — Kelly at Becoming Crunchy shares the importance of understanding your motivation for advocacy.
• Sharing the love — Isil at Smiling Like Sunshine talks about how she shares the love and spreads the word.
• What Frank Said — Nada at miniMOMist has a good friend named Frank. She uses his famous saying to demonstrate how much natural parenting has benefited her and her family.
• Baby Sling Carriers Make Great Compassionate Advocacy Tools — Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey shared her babywearing knowledge — and her sling — with a new mom.
• Everyday Superheroes — Who needs Superman when we have a community of compassionate advocates?! Dionna at Code Name: Mama believes that our community of gentle bloggers are the true superheroes.
• Words of advice: compassionately advocating for my parenting choices — MrsH at Fleeting Moments waits to give advice until she's been asked, resulting in fewer advocacy moments but very high responsiveness from parents all over the spectrum of parenting approaches.
• Peaceful Parenting — Peaceful parenting shows at Living Peacefully with Children with an atypical comment from a stranger.
• Speaking for birth — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud soul-searches about how she can advocate for natural birth without causing offense.
• Gentle is as Gentle Does — Laura at A Pug in the Kitchen shares how she is gently advocating her parenting style.
• Walking on Air — Rachael at The Variegated Life wants you to know that she has no idea what she's doing — and it's a gift.
• Parenting with my head, my heart, and my gut — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares her thoughts on being a compassionate advocate of natural parenting as a blogger.
• At Peace With the World — Megan at Ichigo Means Strawberry talks about being an advocate for peaceful parenting at 10,000 feet.
• Putting a public face on "holistic" — Being public about her convictions is a must for Jessica at Crunchy-Chewy Mama, but it takes some delicacy.
• Just Be; Just Do. — Amy at Anktangle believes strongly about her parenting methods, and also that the way to get people to take notice is to simply live her life and parent the best she knows how.
• One Parent at a Time... — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment believes that advocating for Natural Parenting is best accomplished by walking the walk.
• Self-compassion — We're great at caring for and supporting others —from our kiddos to other mamas — but Lisa at Gems of Delight shares a post about treating ourselves with that same sense of compassion.
• Using Montessori Principles to Advocate Natural Parenting — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells how she uses Montessori principles to be a compassionate advocate for natural parenting.
• Advocacy? Me? — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante discovers that by "just doing her thing," she may be advocating for natural parenting.
• Feeding by Example — Mama Mo at Attached at the Nip shares her experience of being the first one of her generation to parent.
• Compassionate Consumerism — Erica at ChildOrganics encourages her children to be compassionate consumers and discusses the benefits of buying local and fair trade products.
• The Importance of Advocating Compassionately — Kristen at Adventures in Mommyhood acts as a compassionate advocate by sharing information with many in the hopes of reaching a few.
• Some Thoughts on Gentle Discipline — Darcel at The Mahogany Way shares her thoughts and some tips on Gentle Discipline.
• Compassionate Advocacy: Sharing Resources, Spreading the Love — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle shares how her passion for making natural choices in pregnancy, birth, and parenting have supported others in Dominica and beyond.
• A journey to compassion and connection — Jessica at Instead of Institutions shares her journey from know-it-all to authentic advocacy.
• Advocacy Through Openness, Respect, and Understanding — Melissa at The New Mommy Files describes her view on belief, and how it has shaped the way she advocates for gentle parenting choices.
• Why I'm not an advocate for Natural Parenting — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog delivers the shocking news that, after 10 years of being a mum, she is NOT an advocate for natural parenting!
• Natural Love Creates Natural Happiness — A picture is worth a thousand words, but how about a smile, or a giggle, or a gaze? Jessica at Cloth Diapering Mama’s kids are extremely social and their natural happiness is very obvious.
• Carnival of Natural Parenting: Compassionate Advocacy — Even in the progressive SF Bay Area, Lily at Witch Mom finds she must defend some of her parenting choices.
• A Tale of Four Milky Mamas — In this post The ArtsyMama shares how she has found ways to repay her childhood friend for the gift of milk.
• don't tell me what to do — Pecky at benny and bex demonstrates compassionate advocacy through leading by example.

What Natural Parenting is to My Family

I was supposed to submit this post to the Hobo Mama and Codename: Mama's Carnival of Natural Parenting for March.  Things got busy, and well the deadline passed.  Anyway, the topic for last month's carnival is a natural parenting "Top 10" list.  It got me thinking about how natural parenting applied to my family.

To be honest, my family doesn’t practice any one form of parenting. I research and read and discuss with my husband how we’d like Naima to be brought up or what changes we’d like to implement in our household. I’d like to think though that certain changes or practices we implemented are geared towards natural parenting. So here are the 10 things that we practice in our family and which I think fall within the spectrum of natural parenting.

Co-sleeping.  Since Day 1, Naima has slept with Stanley and I on our bed.  When she was a newborn, we had a full-sized bed.  Stan constantly jokes about how we slept with half our bodies hanging out from the bed because were afraid that we would squish Naima.  Now, Stan has a bed on the floor because he finds our current queen sized bed too crowded (go for a king-sized bed!!).  Naima sleeps with me on the big bed and crawls down do her dad at the break of dawn. Her crib?  Toy storage!

in her Tushies

Cloth Diapering.   We started late with cloth diapering.  Naima was about 8 months old when we started and we went for BumGenius, Happy Heinys and Tushy Wushys.  Although Naima was already semi-potty trained at 1 year old, we still used cloth diapers for another year since the pee training took some time.  And I'm pleased to share that I have also started using cloth pads for my monthly!  Review on my cloth pads upcoming.

Gentle Discipline. With Naima now a lively toddler, gentle disciple is the major challenge I am currently facing.  I was spanked as a child and I remember my grandmother punishing me by making me kneel on having to kneel on munggo while facing the wall.  Naima has not been spanked since day 1.  I have to admit, Stan is more successful on gentle discipline than I am.  When both of us are upset, he is the reasonable one and is able to make Naima understand what went wrong.  I tend to get emotional and raise my voice. Gentle discipline is something I have to work on.  Luckily, Stan is on the right track and we both agree that we are not going the spanking route.

Breastfeeding. After a rocky breastfeeding start, we now have a smooth breastfeeding relationship.  Still going at 39 months, I have been inspired by my experiences to train as a counselor and maintain this blog.

Naima's raw plate: unfried rice, salad and maki

Raw food. I sent my cook to Raw Food cooking seminar in hopes of adding more variety and healthy food in our diet.  Not quite a success here.  Initially, I wanted to incorporate 1 raw meal per week in our diet - not quite successful.  We are now down to 1 raw meal every 2 weeks.  My major problem? Lack of nearby fresh markets.  I'm stuck with the usual mainstream groceries and despite having a weekly organic veggie delivery, I haven't been THAT successful in planning raw dishes acceptable to Stan and Naima.

Holistic Health.  I am not really a *crunchy* mom but I bring Naima to a homeopathic pediatrician.  However, I still have a *regular* pediatrician that I go to but I just felt that she was always prescribing medicines and antibiotics which I really didn't want to be giving Naima all the time.  You can say that I am a "problem" patient since I always ASK doctors about the procedure or medicine that they are administering. I first brought Naima to her current homeopathic pediatrician when she was about 3 months old.  But due to her comments about breastfeeding, I transferred to a different pediatrician.  But when this breastfeeding friendly pediatrician had to undergo chemotherapy, I went back to the homeopathic pediatrician.  She was able to clarify the breastfeeding issues to a friend and I'm now happy having her as Naima's main pediatrician. So Naima doesn't take vitamins - just bee propolis daily plus her homeomeds from Centro Natura, 24 Mahusay St. UP Village, Quezon City (928-5386, 0918-9138-14) when needed.

transferring her herbs

Mini Garden. The main peeve I have with living in a condominium in the city is the lack of a garden or green space.  I grew up in Davao City (biggest city in the world in terms of land area!) and even if we lived inside a compound with construction vehicles, we had several gardens, a grotto and lots of greens.  My grandmother had her own backyard garden with avocados, calamansi plus some chickens!  I feel guilty depriving Naima of this so we opted to have a mini garden in our balcony with herbs from weekend markets instead.

Practical Home Help.  As a full-time working mom with a sideline, having a nanny for Naima plus an all-around for our condo is a blessing.  I'm happy to say that Naima's current yaya has been with us since Naima was 7 weeks.  Actually, the current yaya is our former cook.  Naima's former yaya has moved to my sister to take care of Anya.  Our current all-around cook came to us in January 2010.  I send both helpers to various cooking classes and treat them well.  I am also happy that they treat Naima well - play with her, teach her and are really very patient especially when Naima wants to "help" with the cooking, cleaning or gardening.

My 2010 birthday cake from cousin Winie!

Breastfeeding Blog and Advocacy.  Because of my experiences, I wanted to help other moms achieve and enjoy the successes I have with breastfeeding.  I was invited by Buding and Jen to join the LATCH training and have not regretted doing so.  Also, since I was always online during the early days and couldn't find resources or blogs on breastfeeding applicable to Filipino moms, I decided to start this blog.  It really makes me happy to receive emails, texts, calls or comments from moms I meet saying how helpful my blog was to them in their own breastfeeding successes.  This is my way of paying forward and sharing the tips and help I got from breastfeeding friends.

The Portable Baby. Our first experience with babywearing was with a Moby which I found too complicated.  We moved on to a Baby Bjorn and gave this up for a Blissful Babes pouch when Naima got too heavy for the Bjorn.  {Update: 6/23/12 - Please note that BabyBjorn is not a recommended carrier because of its narrow seat base.  Read this post for more information} Then we moved to a SaYa when it came out in mid-2009 and finally to a Patapum Toddler Carrier. We also still travel with a stroller which we use especially when traveling to hold the diaper bag and our shopping!  Having been "worn" all the time, Naima also enjoys wearing her babies.  Being breastfed and "baby-worn", I can say that Naima is truly a portable baby.

What are your family's natural parenting practices?

Potty Training Naima

At 2 years and 6 months, I am very happy to say that Naima is *almost* completely potty-trained. Yaya started potty-training her when she was about 7 months old (able to sit-up). First was the poo part. I know it sounds gross - but what really helped was when yaya made her poo in front of the mirror in our sink. Yaya would put her diaper on the sink and encourage her to poo. That Naima has a regular poo schedule also helped a lot. At age 1, Naima stopped pooping in her diaper (unless we were out and she had no choice!) and was already pooping in her potty. At about 1.5 years old she moved on to the toilet (which was quite a relief for yaya!) and has pooped there permanently.

Peeing was more of a challenge. We started when she was one year old as her wee-wee time became more predictable and continued wee-wee training for 1.5 years! Pee training was challenging because Naima enjoyed having pee-puddles around her feet. Usually, she already knows that she wants to pee. She gives us that "look" and stands still. If we're lucky, we get to her fast enough to cart her to the toilet. Otherwise, she'll happily stand in her pee puddle. When Naima was 1 year and 11 months old (she started going to school) she stopped wearing diapers during the day. Before that she was wearing panties at home and diapers at nap-time or whenever we went out.

At about 2 years old, Naima stopped wearing diapers during the day and also during her nap-time. Diapers were reserved only for nighttime. The night training was more difficult since she wasn't weaned yet and continued to nurse 1-2 times every night. Sometime during the summer, we noticed that her cloth diapers stayed dry every morning. Beginning May, we put her in Gerber Training Pants (I know, I should stop buying Nestle products!) during the night. She still has some accidents but generally she stays dry during the night.

Just the other night, she woke me up at around 5am and told me that she wanted to pee. But the next night, she forgot and wet the bed. :( Accidents happen when she sleeps late - she'll sleep like a log and not remember to wake up to pee. Despite those accidents, we still continue to ask to put her in training pants and hopefully, she'll be fully potty trained before she turns 3.

I would say that cloth diapers tremendously helped us in potty training Naima. They do not turn the wee-wee into gel so Naima immediately gets changed. The wetness also helped Naima realize that it was much better to sit on the toilet and pee and poo there, instead of having a wet and dirty bum. Cloth diapers are making a come-back and I'm pretty happy to notice that unlike the lampins used when I was a baby, these diapers are leak-proof and easy to use (no more diaper pins!). Highly recommended and very effective for toilet training!

Know Your Child

This looks interesting:

This an international holistic parenting course coming up from the Art of Living Foundation. Check out this link for the course info. Interested? Email Dona for reservations and confirmations. See you in one of the sessions!

Sparing the rod doesn't mean spoiling your child

When I was about 9 years old, my parents went to the US to "land" since my dad's immigrant application had been approved. They stayed for 1 month but decided to stay in the Philippines. While I was growing up, I kept asking them why they had to give up the "American Dream".

My mom believed that America was not a conducive place to bring up children. For one, there were a lot of bad influences. Second, child abuse laws were unreasonable and thus, as parents they could not properly discipline us. My parents believed in spanking using their hands or belts. I distinctly remember my maternal grandmother chasing after my siblings and with a broom when we were naughty. I also remember being punished by kneeling on monggo seeds (somewhat like quinoa but hard) in a corner.

According to a recent study I got from one of my egroups, spanking children leads to aggressive behavior when they are older.

The results reinforce earlier studies which have found that children who are spanked have lower IQ scores and that frequent spanking has been linked to anxiety and behavior problems and higher risk of violent or criminal behavior, depression and excessive alcohol use.

Researchers surveyed 2,500 mothers across the United States.

Nearly half said they had not spanked their three-year-old in the past month, while 27.9 percent said reported one or two spankings and 26.5 reported spanking more than twice.

Two years later, the mothers who had spanked their children more frequently reported higher levels of aggression such as arguing, screaming, fighting, destroying things, cruelty or bullying in their five-year-olds.

The results held true even when researchers accounted for potentially confounding factors such as the presence of aggression within the family and parental stress, depression and drug or alcohol use.

"There are ways to discipline children effectively that do not involve hitting them and that can actually lower their risk for being more aggressive," said lead author Catherine Taylor of the Tulane University School of Public Health.

"So the good news is, parents don't have to rely on spanking to get the results that they want," Taylor said in a press release.

"If they avoid spanking but instead use effective, non-physical types of discipline, their child has a better chance of being healthier, and behaving better later."

Even before this study came out, professional organizations like the American Academy of Pediatricians discourages corporal punishment. However, it was reported that as may as 90% of parents spank their children.

Here in the Philippines, spanking is considered normal in the course of disciplining your child. However, more young parents are eschewing spanking for time-outs. When Naima was a newborn, Stan and I talked about how to discipline her and agreed that spanking wouldn't be an acceptable punishment for either of us.

Naima is now a busy toddler at 2 years and 4 months. I don't know if she is exceptionally well-behaved or if Stan and I just have a lot of patience but she has never been spanked at all. When Naima misbehaves, I usually tell her "If you don't behave I will call your dad" and Stan does the same thing vice-versa. If that doesn't work, we tell her that we will withhold her favorite activity if she doesn't behave. And when she throws a tantrum, we pick her up carry her and ask her do you want mom or dad to cry also? She normally doesn't so she stops crying and listens. Another approach we find effective is to distract her with a toy, a song, flying objects (she loves airplanes, balloons and helicopters).

At this time I am happy (and lucky) that Naima understands and already has a sense of what is right or wrong. This makes discipling her a lot easier without the spanking or a lot of tears. I'm not sure how this will work if Naima becomes a tween or a teenager or if we have a boy for our second child. I still need to check out those parenting books, after all.

The Top Five Things I love about Breastfeeding

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Welcome to March's Carnival of Breastfeeding

I wasn't able to join last month's carnival on breastfeeding challenges. This month's topic is on the joys of breastfeeding and what I like best about it. I think I'm actually on the tail end of my breastfeeding journey with Naima. She is already 2.3 years old and nurses only at night. So, here are the 5 things I love about breastfeeding

1. Limitless health benefits - Almost every month, I read about new research on more breastfeeding benefits. I've never encountered research on breastfeeding as being bad for babies but rather on how formula approximates breast milk.

2. Ease, convenience and instant food - Stan and I are travel bugs and I can only imagine the horrors of traveling with a formula can, gallons of mineral water, sterilizer, bottles - we'd be over our baggage allowance even without Stan's photography gear!

3. Savings savings savings! - Cans of formula milk range from 800pesos - 1,200 pesos for one week's consumption. Plus, you have to purchase feeding bottles, sterilizers, WATER, etc. etc.. Added to this would be health care costs of taking care of a sick child. Several studies have established that breastfed babies are generally healthier than formula-fed babies (see #1). This means that annually, you will be spending at least 45,000 pesos to feed your baby.

4. Quick comfort - New moms often complain about how their babies are always attached to them 24/7. My sister tells me that even after Anya just fed, she would still cry and can only be soothed at the breast. A lot of moms end up questioning if they have enough milk since their babies never seem to be satisfied. Thus, when everyone else around them starts questioning their milk supply, they become disheartened and turn to supplements. Moms (and everyone else around them) actually tend to forget that breastfeeding is just not for food but also for comfort. Your baby was thrust into a cold world from the warmth of your womb and breastfeeding (often) reminds them of the cozy nest they used to enjoy. Even now, whenever Naima is scared or bumps her head or wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, nothing quiets and comforts her quickly then nursing in bed.

5. And the thing I love most about breastfeeding is waking up with Naima saying to me: "Thank you Mommy for making the milk" :D Never fails to bring a smile on my face even if I wasn't able to sleep well because she nursed all night long.

Check out other joys of breastfeeding experienced by fellow blogging moms:

Life of a Baby Wearing and Breastfeeding Mom's Breastfeeding is how I connect with my little one after work

Hobo Mama's No Need to Count the Calories When Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding Moms Unite's Poems about the Joys of Breastfeeding

Lucy & Ethel Have a Baby's Nursing My Little Person

Maman A Droit's A Joyful List

Code Name: Mama's Milk Songs

Little Snowflakes' The Joys of Nursing to SleepGood Enough Mum's You don't have to be crunchy to enjoy breastfeeding
Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog's Things I loved about breastfeeding my son
Living Peacefully with Children's Nursing Haikus
Blacktating's What Makes Breastfeeding So Great

My Baby Wearing Baby

Although Naima has a stroller, Stan and I (or her yaya) usually carry regularly. We have 4 types of slings/pouches/carriers for her which we used at different times.
First was the moby wrap. I bought this from Inova's breastfeeding center. We had been told that the moby helped moms successfully breastfeed since it promoted kangaroo care, etc. What they did not say was that a lot of practice was necessary to make the sling work and what I did not realize was that it was not suitable for our tropical climate! We eventually got a Baby Bjorn Air, which Stan and Naima loved. Stan was the primary user and Naima could fall asleep in it.
However, it became difficult to use when Naima got heavier. So I
got a pouch from blissful babes. I used it whenever I go shopping since it keeps my hands free! It secures Naima, especially when we have to take the escalator in malls. Stan doesn't like the baby pouch coz he thinks there's "too much body heat". We also have a Patapum Toddler Carrier which we now used. It's a backpack carrier which I initially found a bit complicated. But I use it regularly now since it provides good back support. Naima is very well-behaved when she's in her backpack carrier.
Since Naima is regularly carried in her baby pouch, she uses it for her toys, too! Here she is carrying Froggy in her Baby Pouch and her new toy, Kiwi, in her homemade nappy sling. I love baby-wearing Naima. A sling/pouch is easier to maneuver and convenient to carry around. My only problem is that with Naima at 24lbs., I can't carry her for long without getting tired! Haha, I need more exercise :D